Junior Nurses
by Dood2super
Summary: Chanel falls sick, and with all of the other doctors and veteran Chanels mysteriously preoccupied, it's up to the new Chanels to take care of their leader. Takes place in between Chanel Pour Homme-Icide and Blood Drive.


"What do you _mean_ you're the only ones who can look after me!?" Chanel cried with obvious distaste, face wrinkling up as she coughed loudly. She was fucking DYING right now, and all she wanted was someone to look ask for her. Her hunky Dr. Brock, the half-reliable #3, at this point she'd even take fuckup #5! At least that cow actually had experience looking after her in her weakened state.

From the looks of their faces, the girls gathered to make sure Chanel didn't hack up her lungs weren't too happy about being there either. Marguerite, more commonly known as #7, didn't look particularly bothered, but she'd already made it well known she didn't care about abuse from Chanel if it got her cute uniforms in her enormous size. Daria's expression remained unchanged, though it was questionable if she really had the capacity to change it at all. Aside from a few nervous glances at the hospital equipment around her, Addison maintained an irritated look as she leaned up against the back wall of the room, Andrea just looked at Chanel with a somewhat smug and exasperated look, and Midge seemed to be the only person who was happy to be there as she looked over the head bitch herself with a smile.

"Chanel, it's a cough, people get those all the time. And it ain't lethal." Insisted Andrea. Her laid-back attitude may have meant she was one of the best around when it came to putting up with Chanel's shit, but it didn't mean she wanted to spend all her time looking after the sniffly drama queen.

"You don't even need to be in a hospital room." Addison grumbled, rubbing her temples in complete anguish. "Just go back to the dorms, we have a billion actual patients to deal with."

"I AM THE MOST ACTUAL OF ACTUAL PATIENTS, NUMBER NINE!" Chanel exclaimed, seemingly blind to the fact that the more she yelled the more her throat got destroyed. "Where the hell is #3 and #5."

"Oh, I can answer that!" Midge said excitedly, happy to contribute to the conversation. "#3 took the day off with Dr. Cascade, and #5's in bed back at the dorms!"

"I didn't authorize a _date!_ And SLEEPING? Why the fuck isn't she here?" All Chanel got from Midge was a confused look, the valley girl glancing at everyone else to figure out if she was just out of the loop or something.

"She's... Crippled, Chanel. She, like, got stabbed in the back, remember?" Midge pointed out. Chanel just scoffed.

"Well, if that landwhale thinks that her little prick is anything compared to me _literally dying_ right now, then she needs to get her priorities straight!" Chanel declared angrily. "#8, diagnosis! And make it good!" Daria looked between Chanel and the clipboard in her hands erratically, not knowing what conclusion to draw from the blank sheet of paper in front of her. The five them hadn't actually done any diagnosing yet.

"You're, uh... Alive?" Daria said with her usual inflections, becoming a Chanel and not a patient meaning the surgery she came to this hospital for in the first place had never quite gotten around to happening. Chanel rolled her eyes.

"I know I'm alive, #8, but I'm going to be wishing I was dead soon if I have to keep dealing with your INCOMPETENCE!" Chanel immediately launched into another round of wet, whooping cough. Midge looked rather concerned, pulling up a seat next to Chanel's bed and plonking herself down in it.

"Don't worry, Chanel! I'll take, like, suuuuper good care of you. I had to look after my brothers and sisters back home all the time, so I'm like a real expert! You're in capable, well-equipped hands!" She announced cheerily.

"If you dare even come near me with that glorified wart you call an eleventh finger, I will eat my first scrap of meat in years and bite it off!" Chanel threatened, which seemed to get to #11 as Midge rested her hands between her legs.

"Alright, I'm out." Addison threw her hands up and turned towards the door, having better things to do than listen to Chanel cough all day.

"#9, just where do you think you're going?" Chanel snapped. "You can't abandon me when I'm like this! Don't you care for me, with all that I've done for you?"

"No."

"UNGRATEFUL BITCH!" Chanel screamed as Addison sauntered out the door and down the hallway, flicking Chanel off through the window before disappearing. "Whatever. We don't need her."

"Do you need me? Because I kinda got things to do as well. I mean, I know we're meant to be looking after you, but... None of us have actually done anything yet." Andrea pointed out. "Think you can just hang tight until it passes? You know, chill, watch TV, we go off and do whatever, yeah?"

"Ugh, fine. You can go." Chanel said, waving her hand dismissively. Andrea fist pumped the air subtly and turned to leave, but one particular voice didn't let her go far. "I didn't mean YOU you, I meant #8 you! You're seriously creeping me out right now." Daria kinda just looked around, before dropping the clipboard turning to follow in Addison's footsteps. Andrea sighed and turned back around slouching down and plodding back by the bed.

"Good. Now, we can get to the most important thing here: My health. Now if #3 or #5 were here they would know what to do, but since that's apparently too much to ask for, you three will have to do." She twisted her head towards Midge. "#11! I need a drink to sooth my throat, so you'll go get me one!"

"Oh, sure!" Midge nodded and stood up. "Is just water okay, or-"

"No, you idiot! I have a VERY specific order from Starbucks, and if I find even one thing wrong with it there'll be hell to pay! I'll have a quad long shot grande in a venti cup, half calf, double cupped, no sleeve salted caramel mocha latte with 2 pumps of vanilla substitute, 2 pumps of white chocolate mocha for mocha and substitute 2 pumps of hazelnut for toffee nut, half whole milk and half breve with no whipped cream, extra hot extra foam, extra caramel drizzle, extra salt, and add a scoop of vanilla bean powder with light ice, well stirred. I'm dying, I can afford to be a glutton, now GO!"

"R-Right away, Chanel!" Midge chirped worriedly, especially given she had kinda zoned out halfway through that order. She didn't want to bother Chanel with repeating it, anyway, and quickly dashed out of the room.

"If that foam's even one degree off... Whatever. I don't need this stress..." Chanel sighed. "#10!"

"Oh thank god. Does this involve me leaving too?"

"Yes, #10, I decided to be generous. Instead of staying here and comforting me, you are going to make up for the ones who are. Now go out, #7, 8, 9 and 11's schedules are in the files, you'd better get to it." The colour drained from Andrea's face.

"B-But... Chanel, that's impossib-"

"Didn't you say you wanted to leave? I'm letting you leave. Why don't you want what you asked for, #10?"

"I... Uh, I, uh..." Andrea sighed and slumped over, or as much as she could anyway with her guts in the way, before turning and leaving #7 and Chanel alone. The tallest of the Chanels had obvious reason to fear. What horrible task would _she_ be set to?

"#7, you'll be writing out a letter, to be sent to every single Chanel who ABANDONED me in my time of need." Announced Chanel, clearly not having learnt her lesson from the last time she attempted something like that. Marguerite sighed in relief, picking up the dropped clipboard and preparing to write. "Now brace yourself, #7." Chanel said, an incredibly smug look eclipsing her face. She was going to absolutely destroy them. #3, #5, #9... They were no doubt already devastated that they weren't here for her, and she was gonna make sure they paid...

* * *

"Stupid Chanel and her stupid cough and stupid hospital machines... Bet she doesn't even know what _real_ sickness is." Addison grumbled to herself as she made her way back to the room, opening up the door to the living room... And stopping in her tracks as she saw the sight before her. Sadie and Libby, feet up on the couch, the latter still in her brace. "What... The fuck?"

"Oh. #9." Sadie replied in her usual monotone voice.

"Did Chanel tell you to come here? Because like, if she did, we can't let you leave now." Libby looked at her slightly more desperately, like they had something to hide.

"No, she... Wait." Realization dawned on Addison's face. "Are you _hiding_ here so you don't have to deal with Chanel's impending 'death'? Think you could just leave it to the new girls?! She was being an absolute bitch back there, I don't want that!"

"And if you stay here, none of us have to deal with her." Sadie pointed out. Addison stopped in her tracks.

"...Oh yeah." She concluded, throwing herself on the couch.


End file.
